“What’s your goal in life?”
If I’d ask you that, what would you answer?
Every person usually has a different answer:
- Some people say they want to find the love of their lives.
- Others want to get healthy.
- Yet others want to start their own business.
- Still others just want to make a lot of money.
- And then there are those who want all of the above.
Whatever it is for you is fine. But let me follow up with another question:
“Why is that your goal?”
With a question like that we begin to dig into your deeper motivations. Your answer might be that…:
- You want to find a soul mate…
- You want to get healthier so you can run faster…
- You want to retire early…
- Etc.
And again, that’s all well and good… But why do you want that?
Your next reply might be that you want to get married, run a marathon, spend more time with your family, etc.
But once again, ask yourself:
“Why do I really want that?”
The interesting thing is that if you keep asking yourself ‘why’ for long enough, you’ll generally find yourself ending up at the same answer most people do:
Whatever it is you’re pursuing in life, you probably believe it will ultimately make you happier. In the end, it turns out we’re all taking different paths in life in pursuit of the same experience:
Happiness… preferably the lasting kind.
But if that’s so, then why are so few people really happy with their lives?
This article explains why, and gives you clear insight into how to really create the kind of durable happiness you’re looking for:
- We’ll first identify what keeps a lasting sense of happiness at bay.
- After that, we’ll explore what really brings durable contentment and fulfillment… and it might just be different from what you think!
So let’s begin…
What Blocks (Lasting) Happiness
Why is most of the happiness we do experience fleeting at best?
How do we sustain it so that it becomes the dominant nature of our life experience?
And how can we get the happiness we experience to keep expanding to greater levels each and every single day?
Those are the kinds of questions that a special branch of psychology called the ‘science of happiness’ tries to find the answers to. It’s part of a relatively new research field known as ‘positive psychology,’ which has taken a bit of a detour from psychology’s traditional orientation.
Prior to 1998, almost all psychology was about trying to figure out how to get people who had something wrong with them ‘back to normal’ (whatever that is). But strangely, few researchers ever bothered to examine what would in fact make ‘normal’ people happier… until this branch eventually came forth.
In general, it turns out there are two main reasons why we’re unable to reach, let alone sustain an ongoing sense of happiness in life:
- Reason #1: Subconscious disturbances pull us out of happiness.
- Reason #2: We misdirect our focus into areas that don’t really bring us happiness.
Most people don’t do the right things on the conscious level to reach and maintain prolonged states of happiness. This is primarily because what we think will make us happy usually doesn’t.Let’s explore how and why this happens…
First of all, it’s next to impossible to maintain a state of happiness when we’ve got pressing subconscious issues that keep pulling us out of it, or even prevent the whole experience of happiness in the first place. (<– This is the focus of this and this article and what the ‘Crack Your Egg Program’ helps you deal with – among the many other things it does.)
In short, part of the ‘trick’ of being able to reach and maintain a state of happiness on the conscious level is to harmonize the subconscious imbalances that keep pulling you out of that state.
But having focused on subconscious issues in other articles, let’s explore what you can do on the conscious level for a change, which brings us to the second reason we find ourselves unable to establish durable contentment in life…:
What Moves Us Away From Happiness
There are two ways in which we consistently and persistently misdirect our focus, both representing a state that earlier articles referred to as ‘reactive mode:’
1. We’re very bad at predicting what will actually bring us sustained happiness.
Most people go through their lives thinking:
- When I get [this and this], I will be happy…
- When I achieve [this and this], I will be happy…
- When I eliminate [this and this], I will be happy…
However, research explicitly indicates that the kind of happiness that results from this type of pursuit is fleeting at best, and tends to fade away very quickly.
To illustrate, you’ve probably heard of studies done on lottery winners, which compare their happiness right before winning to what it’s like just a measly year later.
Even though prior to the event people often see winning the lottery as their ship coming in and guaranteeing the kind of contentment that lasts for the rest of their days, these studies generally find that their degree of happiness reverts back very quickly to whatever it was like before the big win… and sometimes sinks even deeper.
For most people, finally achieving what they always thought was their main goal in life (whether it’s making a certain amount of money, finding the love of their life, eliminating a discomforting physical ailment, and so on) does not bring them the sustained happiness they thought it would.
And yet, most people spend their entire lives in pursuit of such goals.
Of course, we may get a temporary boost from achieving them, making it seem like we’ve tuned into ‘the real thing’ for a while… But it hardly ever guarantees happiness in the long run. (<– In fact, as it turns out, it’s usually the other way around: achieving sustainable happiness first – as you’ll learn how to do soon – increases the chances of achieving such goals! More on this later…)
And this brings us to the second way in which we tend to misdirect our focus…
2. We usually can’t even tell what we really want without placing it in a context of comparison to something or someone else.
We hardly ever define happiness in its own, absolute terms, but rather in relative terms, like ‘more than,’ ‘less than,’ ‘better than,’ ‘bigger than,’ ‘smaller than,’ ‘no more,’ etc.
In this context, Daniel Gilbert, Harvard professor and author of Stumbling on Happiness, once ironically defined happiness as follows:
“Happiness is proportional to your salary divided by your brother-in-law’s salary.”
Of course, he didn’t propose this as the true definition of happiness, but meant to illustrate the disproportionate importance we give to context in considering what would make us happy, while we hardly ever define it in its own right. At the risk of stating the obvious in clarifying what he meant:
While your own salary may be good and may cover for all the things you ever want to buy (thus providing a solid basis for happiness in that area in its own right), the context of it being lower than your brother-in-law’s salary might decrease your overall happiness to a degree that you still want more and can’t feel happy until you do.
Now you may not even have a brother-in-law to begin with, but the point I’m making is the fundamental mistake of contextualizing happiness:
We tend to judge our ‘happiness’ by our degree of unhappiness, and our achievements in relation to externally imposed symbols that society decrees to be the essentials of ‘success.’
The problem with this orientation is that it pulls us into a state in which we’ll be forever in pursuit. In other words, as opposed to being happy, we’re constantly in pursuit of it. And that status quo of ‘being in pursuit’ by definition keeps the actual state of happiness at bay.
As an example, take James Hong. James Hong is the kind of person that has made more money in his life than many can even contemplate, and he hangs out in circles of highly successful entrepreneurs who make and deal with the kind of capital that few people can even imagine.
He’s a Silicon Valley-based engineer best known as co-founder of (at least what used to be) a famous dating and rating website called ‘HotOrNot.com.’ His personal friends include the likes of Max Levchin, co-founder of Paypal (one of the largest online platforms for global e-commerce money transfers).
All fine and dandy, but Hong is one who eventually came to understand the point I’m making here, and decided to step out of his own vicious cycle of contextualizing happiness through an initial symbolic act of replacing his Porsche Boxter for a Toyota Prius. He told the New York Times:
“I don’t want to live the life of a Boxster, because when you get a Boxster, you wish you had a 911, and you know what people who have 911s wish they had? They wish they had a Ferrari.”
Now obviously, James Hong does not need our pity. There are no doubt plenty of people who think they’d be more than happy with things far more modest than a Toyota Prius, and there are probably even more who just wish for a hot meal and a place to sleep during the winter. But it’s the structural mentality that’s important here.
Hong’s story is a good example of how the state of constantly being ‘in pursuit’ can still apply even if you already have more than what the average person thinks they’ll ever ‘need’ to be happy. It illustrates a major pitfall to happiness that many of us fall in:
The more we have, the more we want.
That’s not to say that there’s anything wrong with ‘wanting stuff’ – in fact, it’s fine, as long as it doesn’t become the sole determinant of your sense of happiness, self-worth, and/or success.
It’s simply not what brings you sustained happiness, because you’ll always want something more, better, bigger, fancier, etc. Or if that’s not it, you’ll find something you’ll want to get rid of before you can feel content.
This way you’ll never actually be happy, but you’ll always be in pursuit of it.
So having explored what pulls us out of happiness and what keeps it at bay, it’s clear that ‘reactive mode’ is never going to get us where we want to be. But then what is?
Let’s dig in…
What Brings Us (Lasting) Happiness
The starting point is obvious:
Don’t look so much at what you don’t have or want to get rid of, but be grateful for all the things, capacities and abilities you do have… and remember that you’re a unique living being with a mind of your own and an amazing ability to shape your own destiny.
But while it’s important, there’s more to durable fulfillment than being grateful.
For sure, happiness is an intimate experience. It resides in the core of our being and is what we ourselves project, not what something or someone else gives us or thinks of us.
This simple fact can hardly be over-emphasized. Think about it:
- I can be loved by my family, my mate, and my friends, and yet not love myself (and therefore feel unhappy).
- I can be admired by my associates, and yet regard myself as worthless (and feel unhappy because of it).
- I can project an image of assurance and poise that fools almost everyone, and yet secretly tremble with the sense of my inadequacy (and feel unhappy as a result).
- I can fulfill the expectations of others and yet fail my own (and thus still feel unhappy).
- I can win every honor and yet feel I have accomplished nothing (therefore feeling unhappy regardless of all my achievements).
- I can be adored by millions and yet wake up each morning with a sickening sense of fraudulence and emptiness (and thus unhappiness).
As such, as opposed to any form of ‘reactive mode,’ the key to sustainable happiness is what I call ‘creative mode,’ in which happiness is defined in its own terms, made specific to our own requirements as a unique being in this world, and actively cultivated.
In this context, the science of happiness proposes two general frameworks of happiness that help us come up with more personal, independent and creative definitions. Let’s explore both constructs in more detail for some pointers:
Most people go through their lives mainly chasing the ‘pleasure’ dimensions of happiness. This keeps them in ‘reactive mode,’ because they make themselves dependent on external stimuli. Their (implicit) reasoning comes down to this:
- “Only once I’m able to sustain the stimulus (or stimuli) needed for a more consistent experience of that dimension of happiness, only then will I be able to explore any options for leveraging the next level of ‘passion.’”
- “And if I ever get around to it (<– which hardly ever happens because this fundamental orientation rather keeps happiness at bay), I might at one point even look to see if there’s a higher purpose for me.”
But this goes directly against what the science of happiness has taught us about how to really achieve lasting happiness in life:
It appears that the proper strategy to achieve ‘sustained’ happiness is to first figure out and pursue the higher dimensions happiness (i.e. passion and purpose), and then layer other, more fleeting types of happiness on top of that… with ‘pleasure’ being the last dimension to focus on (at least on a structural basis).
True enough, starting out from an orientation towards a ‘higher purpose’ can be a pretty far stretch when you have absolutely no idea whatsoever about what could be an appropriate higher purpose for you (<– although many times we do have an inkling, but are simply afraid to admit, much less surrender to it)…
In that case, it might be worth your while to get your mind moving in regards to a sense of ‘higher purpose’ by re-reading this article.
And in addition to that, it’s worth exploring what brings you happiness at the level of passion. You can get hints by asking yourself questions like:
- What are my strengths?
- What do I excel in?
- What are my unique talents?
- What can I do better than most others?
- What are my passions?
- What makes my heart sing?
- What can I do for hours that makes me lose track of time and fills me with energy and joy?
- What would I do anyway regardless if I get paid for it or not?
- How would I spend my time if money wouldn’t even be part of the equation? (<– For example, just for the sake of stretching your mind, what would you be doing on a daily basis in a world in which money didn’t exist?)
Whatever answers you come up with, deliberately make time for that in your life on a regular basis!
This will get you ‘in the flow’ more often. And that experience tends to create the kind of ‘mental space’ that allows intuitive hunches and flashes of inspiration to pop in, which may hint you at a higher purpose that’s appropriate for you.
And even if that takes a while, at the very least you’ll have increased the frequency and intensity of your experience of happiness until it does!
Now let’s recap on what we learned…
Conclusion
In summary, for a prolonged, sustainable, and ongoing sense of contentment and fulfillment in life, the ‘science of happiness’ gives us the following areas to focus on and cultivate:
- Vision/Meaning/Higher Purpose:
Define and commit to yours. And if you need help coming up with something, read this article for inspiration, and answer the ‘passion’-questions I gave you above. Just begin by following through on what you identify, and you’ll find that visions and ideas for a higher purpose that’s appropriate for you will begin to emerge very soon. - Connectedness:
Take deliberate steps to establish more and deeper connections with like-minded spirits and the people you care about. - Perceived Control and Perceived Progress:
Define action steps to move forward toward your vision, no matter how small they seem right now, and follow through on them.Note that taking these steps is not as much about the supposed distance they cover, but more so about the experience of happiness that results from the perceived control and progress that come from doing so! (<– And that’s even disregarding the additional, indirect and highly supporting benefit that’s generated by the implicit intent these actions express.)
As such, this dimension of happiness tends to reinforce itself: cultivating it usually leads to actual, measurable results in life, which in turn go on to serve as stimuli that can provide new inspiration to keep taking appropriate actions, which will keep giving you the feeling that you’re making progress, which in turn gives you more inspiration to keep taking action, etc.
Remember also that the techniques you learn on the complimentary ‘Crack Your Egg’- webinar help you build a true sense of control and progress right from the moment you start using them. And these techniques will make your sense of control and progress stronger by the day, thus consistently expanding your experience of happiness.
Do these things, and you’ll find that over time your sense of happiness will grow exponentially. And whichever direction these tips may lead you into, always remember the key rule of happiness that summarizes this entire article and that you now know how to cultivate:
Don’t worry… Be happy.
Dear Henk:
Wonderful article. As usual, your writings are the ones I pay attention to, because you seem
always to be “right on”. Without being unduly negative, there are so many others who preach
the doctrine of “tapping”, Laws of Attraction, the Secret, the power of positive thinking, the Power of Now, etc.etc.
Unconscious factors seem to effect so many. It is a shame that so many people seem to be
involved in self defeating behavior. They seem to be afraid of embracing their inner most
feelings, really coming face to face with anger or anxiety, or being truly introspective,
especially about childhood conflicts. As a society, we don’t seem to want to look at
feelings of loss or abandonment, .
I embrace my feelings, which others may classify as negative, but this approach has served me well.
Thanks again for a very meaningful article.
Hi Henk,
Loved the article as usual. Also loved the”crack your egg” program. The most powerful program available. Truly lifesaving for me. Yes I would join the web community of like minded people. You are awesome and so very wise!
Henk, what style loaded with grace and commitment, seek and you shall find it might be just around the corner. Love to be with like minded spirts. Go for it!!
Henk,you are a rare bird in this worlds flock. You seem to soar high above the weakened birds of this world. Your droppings of realistic energy are consumed by many. This gives enough energy to allow these birds to soar upwards toward the real goal and to not give up.
That’s only because what you offer is truth. Truth is not measured materialistically, but by grace. Grace (giving) contributes to hope and hope to knowing(belief). We all have trials and tribulations, don’t we? As one that has had many, I will say truthfully each one has brought me closer to the truth of how I am an expert at being my own worst enemy. Later in life as it is for me, although we all need a certain amount of material things to live here, we never need as much as we are convinced we do. Joy is the pursuit of mankind and we will do almost anything to achieve it. You explained very well how to achieve it.It sounds to me like you do a lot of research on the information that was given us to follow for a prosperous and joy filled life. I would love to be in your community. Please do this. God Bless you today and tomorrow as He has in the past.
Another thoughtful and inspiring article, Henk. Thank you again. While I am blessed, and grateful, and genuinely happy with most of my life, I have this deep sense of loneliness that seems to pervade every minute of every day. It is the voice that says, “If I just had a soulmate, then I could be happy. Then my life would be perfect.” And I know this is a lie–a hoax, but I don’t know how to silence it. So, your article is very timely. It’s exactly what I needed, and I’m going to spend some time meditating on this. I would love to join your community.
Love the way you write. Definitely interested in a community website for like-minded folks.
Great article. Happiness is more of an inside job. The idea of a community to help sharpen one another is good. I’d like to understand more about identifying limiting beliefs and re-write them.
Really Thought provoking! If you start a community you can count me in.
Y E S ! ! ! ;- )
Greetings!
Although I have yet to appreciate the contents of the prestigious article-
Your first sentence compel me to express myself-What do i expect in life,or what have i achieved during these 60 years of (struggled) life)?
A COMPREHENSIVE ATTITUDE TO ACCEPT ALL SORT OF CHALLENGES OF LIFE WHILE EXECUTING MY RESPONSIBILITIES TO MY NATION,MY SOCIETY ,MY FAMILY AS WELL AS TO OTHERS WHO HAVE BEEN HELPFUL TO ME!
I AM sure your presentations have reviewed these aspects of life.!
Always delighted to appreciate your candid views:,
SHAM SUNDERAZAD MUMBAI
One of your best! I feel like I have been a part of your “community” for many years now. If you are going to form a “real” community you can count me in.
Thanks
I so understand what you’re talking about… I was immersed in unhappiness until I took control of my life and decided what I wanted to do and have been working on it ever since. Some days I have a feeling of happiness that overflows, and I smile and accept it, but until now, with your article, I am certain why is this: I’m following my passion and have a higher purpose, and even though I don’t have yet the pleasures I want (which have also been redefined) I know I’m on my way to have them. Thanks for the light you shine upon us.
And YES, I would love to join such community
What a Community this could be!
Hi Henk:
Totally awesome article and I for one agree wholeheartedly with everything you talked about. I often joke with others that I am the happiest man on the planet because I have unlocked the secret to happiness and you just basically summed it up in this article.
I do feel that the environment that each person grows up in contributes greatly to their life experience and either serves to support these important elements or at the same time diminish and take away from the quest for happiness.
I was lucky enough to find my answers while I was on my own personal quest for enlightenment. Passion, connectedness, and pleasure are all keys. I also love your idea about the website. The media is so full of negativity that a website that remains focused on just positive events and positive energy could be truly uplifting. Thanks for your great articles and keep up the great work!
Thank you for this interesting article. The article gives us an insight and prompts us to introspect on what we are really looking for, and finally it all boils down to the fact that Happiness is something that is within us, and the very core of our own existence is because of happiness. Saying that your thought of setting up a Community for the like-minded people is in itself a creative product of your own true sense of happiness. I look forward to be part of your community. Thank you again for sharing.
Hi Henk, I always enjoy your articles. I think a mastermind community would be beneficial.
Thanks Henk for a thought provoking article. What I appreciate most is that you gave us all this wisdom for free when you could have charged a lot to access it. Happiness has been a mirage because we pursue it instead of realizing we are the happiness. Include in the community. Thanks again.
I definitely enjoyed reading this article. It was to the point and jammed pack with applicable ideas that one could use if they are serious about being happy. I would like to correspond with like-minded individuals who are seeking to be happy. I liked the song very much. Thank you for the article.
I have been practicing these sorts of beliefs for much time, I find that since I have found a way to, at least for this time, have the “things” that I need. I have a home that I own, am not making payments on, have the deed, title and abstract for my home, I have made it be the way I want it to be, at least in-doors. I am making it be the way I wish it to be on the outside too. It is at the bottom of a hill about 200 feet high, all of which I also own and am good friends with my neighbor at the top of my hill, so all is good in that respect too.
Although I do not seek it out, I find that I have many friends, in my humble opinion, everybody in the world is my friend, I just have not had the great fortune to have met all of my friends, yet, at least not in this life, on this planet, at this time.. I give love to everyone I meet. Often people will come up to me and wish to interact with me, always in a positive manner, I find this to be extremely rewarding.
I work when it pleases me, I save most of the income I receive from working and use it when I choose not to work for some period of time, I love that option.
I, too, wish to express my wish to be a part of the community you have indicated you wish to form. May God bless you all, each and every one of us.
I want to be part of the community. Thanks.
Very interesting…as always Henk. Sharing with like minded people? A great idea! Let us know what your plan is 🙂
I very much enjoyed your article (as I always do) and I would definitely like to be part of your proposed community.
Have you considered to create a Book with all these articles and the material of Crack your Egg ? I think will be a best seller ! also to create a version in Spanish would be great, I am from CHILE, South America, and I think people latin would love this ideas.
just gr8 article. would LOVE to be a part of such deep community. please let me know how could i be a part of it.
I think this article was/ is timely! And I very much would like to belong to a community. Are you open to creating an in person community? Technology has its advantages; I personally think that nothing beats a human, face to face interaction!
Hey Henk,
Yes count me in on the community site! It would be a pleasure to be with like minded people exploring the gametes of what life can and will bring. The article describes in detail the “box” surrounding all the notions were are programmed to believe in..that starts from birth and grows ever stronger with the surroundings each of us endure throughout our short lifetimes. Then stuff like this turns on that God given “light bulb” and we really start to be and become our real selves. Not the concoctions of what we thought we were supposed to be in our own lives but who and what we really are. Like you have started before it starts “within” and then grows out not the other way around–in pursuit means never getting there–ever! Just the chasing of ones tail that until you “WAKE UP” and realize that the chasing of ones tail is programmed–because everyone you know is doing the same exact thing–you at that point ‘KNOW” there is more to you and in life that you could ever imagine. Again to it deals with the poison of “EGO’ that formulates all of the worlds problems–become “EGOLESS” like some of the best examples of people that ever walked this planet and with that you actually become “ONE”! Really ask yourself this simple question: What other species on this planet has an “EGO”? We are it! Nothing else on this wonderful planet we call home has an “EGO”–yes it does come with the “free will” but that in itself is all about being self centered—-let go of the “EGO” and find that lifes path becomes a better and better place to be! Love the stuff Henk—-thanks again “Eggman” from another one of your “egglets”
Indeed happiness starts by being content with one’s current outlook. It becomes a moving target if it is pursued in the context of comparison of one’s material possessions with others’, and in this manner it will forever become difficult to achieve. Achieving self-realisation which is a result of “percieved control” one becomes calm and “in the moment” and in this way one won’t miss the happiness state.
Thank you so much for this article. It is really nice to know that we are actually after something that is so superficial. In the sense whatever we are after will keep changing, so the base is that we keep wanting always. I shall henceforth focus on being happy, i guess other things will fall into place once am happy.
very helpfull, thank you. i have noticed lately that like you were saying about a higher purpouse to fullfill your happynes and make it longer lasting it requires to be prepare to do something bigger than you what you ever think of. it really thas make you happier longer.i know that if the website becomes a reality i will be part of it.
Hi,
I totally agree with Kaydon.
The secret of happiness is gratitude.
what I have found in my life is the ability to decide my own fate and career direction.
It took me until I was around 40 to start out on my own with a woman who was the love of my life.
We have now been married for thirty five blissful years with three wonderful children.
I agree with you that doing what you want to do and what makes you happy and is spiritually rewarding is the secret along with deep gratitude to your God.
The older I get the more convinced I am that we are more spirit than material beings.
My interest in meditation has grown and opened the door to my belief that we only inhabit this body as a vechile which when we depart we will leave to go into the great cosmos and become as one with spirit.
Thank you.
John Arthur
Yes! I would definitely be into a web community of like-minded spirits. Your articles always seem to hit the nail on the head for me. Thank you!
Yes, I can’t get enough of these articles, and I look for more all the time. I try to read pieces of them and bits and pieces of the egg craking method every day to keep the focus. I’m afraid every day life tends to drag me down if I don’t pay attention. So I do, and everything flows. Some body out there said “I’m a snob”, I liked that. So am I, so’s everybody else. We all think we’re special and unique and we are. Like minded community by all means!
Happiness, I feel, is all about balance. We need to balance the pursuit of material things, for survival first and then to add beauty or color to our lives; balance the yearning to be connected without having to be artful with others or submit to the artfulness of others; balance the physical realm in which we breathe with the spiritual realm in which our energetic force breathes in and out in harmony with the vast pulse of the universe. Those are all difficult areas to master, because they require us to have another kind of balance — a sense of humor, objectivity, non-judgmentalism and passionate pursuit of what is good for everyone — to ultimately arrive at the complete human being we each have the chance to become. Yes, we should all explore the merits of balance. Maybe a connectedness Web site will help.
I read your well written article carefully. Then I read all the comments. Then I thought back over my life and how I felt at various times. I grew up in what many considered a slum and in a very dysfunctional family.–But I was happy. So why was I happy? I did my best with what was available. I helped others and requested help from friends when necessary. I did not think I had talents. I could not keep time for music, but I could follow others. I cannot carry a tune but I enjoy the joy of those who can. I am grateful for those around me who are kind, so I try to be kind. After more thought, I decided it boils down to this: I liked myself then and I like myself now. It is easy to be happy when doing something I enjoy doing–like pulling weeds from the yard or reading an article which makes me think in new directions. Thank you.
I also like the idea of the community website for like minded people. Sometimes reading about someone who has happiness catches on and makes you happy and then it’s contagious. Everyone’s goal should be to maintain a ongoing happiness level and then pass it on.
I can see I need a lot of work in gaining happiness. Not saying I’m in sad shape just need to adjust my thoughts and actions to gain this happiness. It’s not all about money or material things. To me being a more spiritual person brings to me more happiness and I feel a different energy as well. Anyway I would like to see a community of like minded people.
Hello Henk
yes that membership site would be a great help having many members all communicating.
thanks again for your wonderful articles
That song is really nice, and yes it’s true don’t worry be happy that is so cool!!!! I live it
Wow.. I like the idea of happiness in this article , basic you are right , but the gratitude, and universal “love” have to be the base of our happiness .We should consecrated on gratitude of accepting who we are , and love our-self , and through that we will love others , and help other to realize them-self in life . We should focus on a good life , goals , and positiveness in all things around us , with meditation with universe and God.
I like your community group idea !!!!
Another good article. Thank you. I cleaned up my computer this morning. I have extracted myself from all those dozens of gurus out there who fill my mailing list every morning with sqeeze pages to buy absolute nonsense or special invitations to waste hours of my time on their webinars so they can make me another free offer, followed by yet another sales campaign.
Now I have more time to concentrate on my work, on getting to know myself better (meditating), and corresponding with similar minded people. Does that sound introverted? Well, I am not. I have suffered several months of buying into internet scams, sometimes out of curiosity, and I think now is the time for the clutter to go. Let´s make room for the true and honest. Perhaps, at last I am relating to my own vibration? I like the idea of your community group.
I have been wondering despite the materialistic, personal and professional achievements, as well as a balance family life, I have not been able to claim whether I am truly happy..I feel something is missing….and I got the answer after reading your article…that there is something more than satisfaction at personal level…that real happiness comes from your immense sense of worthiness of being able to put yourself at the service of mankind, impacting positively on the lives of people in a sustained way…
I would also love to be part of a community of people who have realized self-awareness and continue to expand. Since I was in my 20s, I’ve looked outward and upward to something that was better than the deep personal distrust I had in myself and looking to someone else to “take care of me” psychologically. Loved this article on happiness as I am happy because I eliminated so many of the self-esteem beliefs that plagued me. By doing that, my heart opened and expanded. In the Narnia books, the last one describes the journey several of the characters take after “death”and this description intrigued me: that it was like peeling away the layers of an onion and going deeper and expanding at the same time. That’s how I feel; the affirmation route and the gratitude route felt artificial and somehow, backwards. We all have what we need inside already and always have. It’s just been covered with the equivalent of layers and layers of the paint of “shoulds” “shouldn’ts” and “ought tos” mainly laid there from our first 6 years of life. To say “I am grateful for………and fill in the blank with a material thing or even an emotional thing avoids doing the real work of getting to the core of our feelings and beliefs, acknowledging them, then eliminating them. Although it took me so long to come where I am now, I never liked the “fake it until you make it” method. I would love to come together with other people who have discovered the happiness that they’ve “re-discovered” in their own hearts.
AS the Dalai Lama said: “If you want love BE love. If you want peace BE peace.”
Therefore it is appropriate to extrapolate and add: If you want happiness BE happiness. Furthermore, Stoicism is an often misunderstood philosophy. Main point, YOU are happy; don’t allow other things or people to take that away from you.
Always get excited to read your articles!!Keep them going,they are wonderful; thank you…
HiHenk, This was a great note. We do tend to look to others and see what they have and think that if I have that I will be happy, but in reality most people have no idea as to what happiness is all about. So we chase one dream after another and never find true happiness. I believe that to truly be happy you do need to be in control of your life and surroundings. Money is for getting the things that you think will make you happy and also to live in this world of ours (until money is no longer the way we pay for things). I for one was on such a trip in regards to money and have come to the conclusion that money is always there for you to full fill all of your desires. It is so important to feel the state of being in control of your life. The minute you decide that other things, places, or people have control over your life than you have just given your power away and your dreams of happiness.
Each person has the birth right to pursue happiness in what ever way they see fit to be happy. Once people understand that they are the creators and that they are creating their world every day with their thoughts and ideas things will take on a new look.
You have this moment and this moment only so live it to the fullest. You have no idea what is around the corner. (even if you are co-creating) things happen.
The community idea is a great one. Hope to see it happen.
henk
thanks again for the best articles,in my view if we can share our happiness with others that will be ultimate goal to achieve eternal happiness .
best wishes
mohammad reza sedghi
It is a well known fact that an abundance of happiness comes from and is maintained by what you give or how you help others. Very little happiness is maintained by what ‘you’ get.
Hi! I really enjoy your articles…they always seem to “show up” right when I need them most. You have a way of opening up a subject in a way I can absorb and relate to – we sort-of speak the same language, and of all the material I read and refer back to your’s truly makes a impact on me…I catch myself saying “yup! that’s exactly what I thought right along” It’s kinda nice to know that I’m not the only one with a particular perspective on life and the way it should be lived.
I really like and wholeheartedly agree with your refreshingly direct – no rubbish approach- to a universal subject – happiness.
I think that at many stages of our lives we all feel physically, mentally & spiritually lost.
The answer to the question “what would make me happy”- probably could be expressed as “don’t really know”. I have reached a stage in life where “things” are not really important. I appreciate where and how I live & believe sharing thoughts with like minded people is probably about the best I can think of!
Yes I would like to try the experience of a community sharing.
Thanks for your great articles.
It is a Great article. Thank You so much. I do wish to become part of the community. I’ve lost my way to happiness and don’t know how to find it.
Thank you
O’siyo, hello Henk ~ thank you for this site and the ‘material’ that you discuss. The sharing of your thoughts/wisdom. It is all helpful .Even hearing/reading comments of those I may not wholly agree with for my own ‘self’; but, know in listening/reading the various comments that we truly are all connected. Everyone sharing his/her own truth is very awakening on various levels and helps me to have a more expanded perspective of life here on this planet, and that many of us all have the same or similar feelings off/on. I do think it is in our truthful sharing that we help one another grow in so many ways, even in learning about oneself or maybe I should say, “myself”. It is all helpful whether I agree or disagree with another’s comment. Thank you Henk and all of you for your words. I also think it would be wonderful to have a web community of ‘unique thinkers/doers/and ponderers’. One of the best sites I know of.Blessings and peace to you all. Oneia,later. Rainbow 🙂
Yep.
I want to be part of a community or a website that deals with liberating articles like this one. I’m ready to give my best to any group of people dedicating time and effort in the name of love.
Thank you Henk, consciousness is happiness as beauty is truth.
Thank you for this article. As it happens, I am at a place and time of making choices of how to share with the world those specific tools which are helping me transform my own consciousness and my life. More than anything in the world, I love providing truly helpful information, especially regarding transforming our limiting and destructive subconscious believes, and I want to share what I have found after 37 years of searching.
I would be very interested in participating and benefitting from your on-line community.
Aileen
I am really grateful for your articles, this really was appreciated for my state of well being
for I recently experienced the loss of my pet PUG, he was the best doggie I ever did know.
Was with me for ten years, three years ago was accidently hit by my neighbor, and since,
have been through alot to keep him going. It became time to let him go and R.I.P. for the
absolutely best friend ever. I have been feeling so down, and this article just gave me a
lift in perspective. Thanks, guys. 🙂
Excellent article Henk , like others have said your certainly in the FLOW. Your messages seem so well thought out, leaving feelings of inspiration. I am truly grateful to be informed of this wonderful literature. Thank you.
I read somewhere, ‘Happiness is not a Destination, it is a Journey’.. True– but what if you have realized too late in life what your passion is? Not late as in you are going to kick the bucket soon but late enough– and you still have a relatively long life to live but it is still too late to start something. What do you do now? I have had a very productive life- being a Medical Doctor- saved lives, pulled out babies all over the world- but I realize now, I did it for a living. It never was a passion with me. And now I am kind of, on a long break- doctors don’t really retire as long as they can stand on their feet and are all there- but I suddenly realized- like I was struck by a bolt of lightening- what my passion was. I have everything- a wonderful family, lovely kids, a beautiful home- in fact I am the envy of many- but I still feel incomplete because I couldn’t/ didn’t follow my passion. Pity isn’t it?
Hi Henk
Excellent article
Thanks
Hi there,
I have been an avid reader of these articles and always find them useful and enlightening.
I believe we are always striving to be happy as human beings,it’s hard wired in us.We ultimately will always choose pleasure over pain but we all have our own unique sense of what we consider to be pleasurable or enjoyable to us.
It can always seem like a struggle to attain happiness when we realise that by chasing the things we think will give us that happiness always changes,or in the end we will lose…we cannot run away from impermanence..it’s part of being human and to fully be at peace with this requires great awareness so we can choose how we feel and react to this.
I think it’s true that we cannot experience life without the equal and opposite of every emotion.At some stage we will all feel sorrow or sadness or loss and of course the opposites of these.To be able to consciously control or be aware of our subconscious mind and observe how we create our emotions I believe can go a long way in having some choice in choosing happiness no matter what the circumstances we may be in.
I love all the comments people post here and actually enjoy and learn a great deal from them.It’s amazing all the different responses and the ones we are drawn to or connect with.
Thanks again Henk for your inspiring messages!
Happiness is linked with self realisation, it is there within you not outside. Finding what gives that happiness in this materialistic world is the challenge. your article provided certain insights and thoughprovoking.
Happiness is not something to be pursued, but more a choice and a by-product of a life well lived. Live a life of gratitude, unconditional love, and truth. Life is all about the choices made. Through these choices and accepting the personal responsibility that comes, we all create our own reality. I create the reality I desire to live. This is what brings me happiness.
Hi there,
A friend once said to me “Lorraine, if I gave you a million pound and an estate house out in the country and filled it with everything you wanted you would still sit there amongst it all, look at me and say – I’m still not happy.” I knew deep in my heart that she was right and until reading this post couldn’t confidently say what it was that could make me happy.
This post affirms exactly what I had been suspecting was wrong with my life. I’m stagnant and have been for some time, I’ve allowed frustration, despair and self-pity to imobilse me. When I look back at the times in my life when I’ve been happiest its been when I’ve achieved something, learnt something and helped someone. When I’ve felt like I’m getting somewhere and progressing.
I know what I need to do, and for the sake of my littles ones more than anything else I need to make the first step. I have to believe that making one small step and then another and then another will bring with each one a small showering of happiness and that like a snowball rolling down a mountain the amount of happiness will grow in speed and intensity until I stand here beaming from inner happiness subconsciously and naturally.
I can’t compain about being unhappy anymore because I know how to fix it now. Instead of dispairingly saying “there’s got to be more to life than this but what?” Now I know its about progress for me, doing better for me and those I can help along the way.
Thank you whole heartedly, you may well have just put the pieces of my broken soul back together again.
Hi Henk
Thanks a lot for the various thought provoking articles. I have enjoyed reading them. A few times I felt like the article was written for me. Vaazhga Valamudan! (May every good be with you, so you have Peace Prosperity and Harmony always. I’m sure have these in abundance)
Hae Mark Morrow, Like Jesus says, “What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?” It is not like it is “either ,or” think you might need to read more into it, Don’t be greedy or stingy…….share the Love, learn to appreciate the good in you and share it !
Wow! Again, I applaud your post and I truly needed to be open to yet another reminder to stay in touch with myself. In my pursuit of Happiness I have come to realiize that for me it is a choice I make always…… yea, financial abundance could be one answer, but only if I appreciate that I indeed am Grateful for it. It seems to all flow back to choosing and Accepting the the Happiness that we allow ourselves to Be in. For me it is not about the pursuit of Happiness, but the realization that I choose in live in it and accept it as a way of Being. A happy heart is certainly a fertile soil to invite comfort, peace, and even a place to cultivate our dreams to fulfill our purpose……this, I aspire to live in daily….. and Yes I would like to participate in your group and I appreciate you.
I love your articles. They resonate with me and inspire me. I go back and read them over and over again too. The timing of your new articles usually couldn’t be better either LOL
I love the idea of a community-based website. It feel good and right and that there’s a clear need for it. I’d definitely participate!!! 🙂
Thanks again for sharing your ideas with us!!! It is appreciated.
thank you for this article.. enriching! Much appreciated!
I would be interested in becoming part of a community to increase the connectedness among like-minded spirits, & any more in-depth information you could share with us.
Thanks for all you do!!
Hi Henk
Happiness can be built into your being, through every cell in the body.
What was it that Albert Einstein said, the only valuable thing in life is Intuition.
As each body develops through life, intuition is only located in one of these cells, which
dies but also passes on this intuition, there are not in hundreds, thousands, millions, billions
but trillions of these cells throughout your body, so to find this source and to use it for your
main purpose of life, will come to you through your own happiness that can also be developed, not from within but from between, make happiness contageous with others.
Love this quote: “Happiness is proportional to your salary divided by your brother-in-law’s salary.”
So many people are looking for happiness outside, instead of searching first inside of themselves.
Henk,
Thanks for another great article! It helped me a lot getting focused again, as I let dissapointments kind of take the better of me.
As I don’t know many (or any) like-minded people myself, I like the idea of a community website.
Everyone else,
Thanks for your comments, they are motivating as well!
And like minded people are always welcome to contact me on marra2009 [at] live.nl.
All the best!
Thank you, Henk, for an inspiring and thought provoking article.
I am sure that there is a direct link between the experience of personal happiness and the concept of self-acceptance. To be happy in the now moment requires an individual to both be grateful for all the positive things in their life as well as to be accepting of the talents, opportunities and limitations given them. This philosophical platform does not hinder anyone from establishing and working to new goals which may indeed enhance one’s quality of life. But it does mean that happiness is not dependent upon successful goal achievement but rather on a person’s choice to practice happiness in their daily life.
I think the idea of an online community is an excellent one and I would welcome its establishment. All the comments I have already read in the responses to your article convince me that there is much to be learned from hearing the views of others on such vital life issues.
Sincerely
Ambrose
H
You are definitely in the “flow”…
To address some of your other readers and their (obvious, un-asked) questions, it is put like this.
Without day there would be no night…
As being the only creatures on this beautiful planet that can consciously create, we are individuations of God, Allah, Source of All That Is…
As such, we are Spirits having a Physical experience – this “state” of our “being” is temporary to the point that we use our experience to further enhance “Abundance” which is the natural state of the Universe…
When we say we are not “happy” we have allowed someone or something outside of us to dictate our “state”…
Since Happiness is an emotion, is it owned by the individual – it cannot be dictated by anything or anyone outside of our Selves – unless we “choose” to let that happen…
Happiness is a choice! And, a personal one at that. We can choose to be happy – or not!
In Living In Flow Energy, it is in our utmost interest to achieve happiness simply by following the Golden Rule. As part of the Principal of Abundance, we receive only by giving – which is much better.
When we feel we have nothing to give, we overlook time and/or service… For it is in giving of those things that we find that we have led others to achieve their happiness and, because of the aforementioned Principal, we ourselves become happy…
It’s all about assisting our fellow beings to find their “ease” on the Journey to Ascension… For that is the entire reason we (as Spiritual Beings first) chose to become physical…
Because Spirit comes from a state of perfection and Light, it is necessary to experience the physical in order to perceive loss, anger and those things of which we are to release. This merely furthers our “perfection” in preparation for the next dimension…
A salute to you Henk for creating all of the “caring” responses through your post. Please do continue as even with a “Community” – I feel there will be one (or more) whether you initiate it or not… But, that’s no reason not to …
Thanks.
And Peace to you and our fellow readers,
Robert S.
I enjoy reading all your articles. But being “happy” seems insignificant.
The way humans treat animals of all kinds breaks my heart.
Humans are so self centered. As long as they “think” they are “happy”
they are perfectly content. When humans respect “lower” life forms life we will truly grow as individuals and as a species.
Our record is dismal to say the least. Hopefully, the day will come when abusing animals and using them for horrible experiments, “to better our lives” will not be tolerated.
These are my answers to your questions:
What is my goal in life? To achieve the purpose that I was created for.
Why is that my goal? Because I have realized that all worldly pursuits are ultimately pointless, vain, futile, and just striving after the wind. Like Jesus says, “What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?”
The problem is that although some of my life has been mildly amusing, I haven’t had a lick of use for it. If the Creator has some purpose for me, He is awfully good at keeping it a secret. Perhaps it is not possible to know are purpose, but we are achieving it whether we know it or not. It could also be possible that I am too meatheaded to understand my purpose and I am a complete failure. From my perspective, the second possibility seems more likely.
My hope is that I will achieve the purpose God created me for in this lifetime so that there will be no need for my existence. Existence seems to be a big pain in the ass to me!
Happiness and sadness are the sides of the same coin. They are the yin and yang of life. It is futile to pursue happiness. It is better to live in the “NOW” and live life to the full and svour every moment of our existence. Based on this perspectve, getting disapointments and setbacks in life will make us happier.
Let me give you a simple illustration. If you work in a very comfortable environment, say with air-conditioning, a bath is a so so experience. But you you work in an environment where you have to exert yourself physically and comes out sweaty and tired, a nice warm bath will be bring you an experience of being in paradise.
In short, to get real happiness , don’t be obsessed with pursuing happiness, rather live life to the full and happiness will look for you.
i want to help other people for theire aims.
I really like all your enlightening and easy-to-understand articles… I’ve seen nothing like this on the market place… Please do keep up the good work!
Thank you.
Your article was both inspiring and insightful. Once we know that our true purpose in life is to awaken to who we really are and to align with that energy deep within us, happiness is a by product of the way in which we live our lives.
I believe that the purpose of one who is truly awakened is to assist others in their own awakening and one of the easiest ways to do this is by example of how we do what we do. We don’t necessarily have to be talented or gifted as long as whatever we do is done to the best of our ability with great pride, love and gratitude.
I would be interested in joining your web community also.
really well written and well done
keep up the good work
omtatsat
I was thinking how it seems that what I do in my conscious mind during the day gets undone in my subconscious mind at night! Then I opened my email and found my way to your article. It certainly is uplifting and I’m learning alot, thanks.
I’m a happy soul but some people seem to take advantage of that or don’t take me seriously so I’ve toned it down alot. I have a tremendous amount of love to share… some people have told me they can feel it.
Anyway, it took me years of vacillating but I finally decided to stop denying it and “live it as if” about a love that I want (realizing of course that it’s in me I want, but I also want this other person). I can make it happen from my perspective, am moving on it, making progress, enjoying the process, have a grateful heart for even thinking of it, feel connected, find meaning in it, am in a state of flow when I plan and think about it, know it will help in my evolution; my mind now feels free and it gives me endless energy momentum. But because I know he won’t be my ultimate destination (I’ve been told not in this lifetime), I’m sort of using the thought of him as a catalyst. And before I actually get into his orbit (which is not what I’m to do), I’m waiting for the ‘redirect’ to focus on something else or people at large; I hope it hurries up :/ hee hee.
I agree, it all starts with counting our blessings, rather than the lack in our life, and BE GRATEFUL for what we DO HAVE NOW … BE GRATEFUL FOR THOSE BLESSINGS THAT ARE ON THE WAY…saying thanks for that which is not (yet) as if it were (already here). The very vibration of GRATITUDE opens the door, so to speak, to RECEIVING the BLESSINGS & desires of your heart. Then “let go and let GOD” means we do not try to micromanage HOW it is going to happen. Put appropriate action in, but do not force the particular pathway it shall travel to us. Check out the research done by Masaru Emoto in his book THE HIDDEN MESSAGES IN WATER!
I glad to be able to read your atricles again. Don’t hear enough from you. One of the reasons i like to read you is that you have a way of putting information in a different formate has makes you readers think, I agree on most of your article except i believe a person has to stop being critdicle of themself and others before they can pursits happiness,
Thanks,Barney
Happiness is not a goal in life. Happiness is a state of being. Either you are in a happy state state of being or you are not. Perhaps the way to acheive a happy state of being is learning to be grateful for what you ARE rather than to focus on what you perceive yourself as lacking.
We live in the midst of abundance, when we realize this, there is no”” lacking””.
When we say be “Happy” we are not referring reaching a goal or obtaining some some object. We are referring to your state of being, Your connection with the Source of all that is, Your Connection with GOD.
Really enjoy reading your article!!
Brilliant! Once again, you are heads and shoulders above the rest. I don’t actually want to be intimate in a large community – okay, I’m a snob – but I would love to get to know you better. I really enjoy your articles and the trains of thought they set off for me. Thank you for all the conscious action you have taken.
Thank you for this useful article on Happiness. A question for you——–Has God no role or room in providing Happiness?
I also believe in total hapiness, when I look into my past n I see how far I’ve come, that makes me happy, no matter what has or hasn’t happened, being for a reason now makes sense, my happiness does come from within, within my mind, body n soul.. happiness comes quite easily if you train your mind to seeing where you were n where you are at this given moment in time.. people do not make me happy, I make people happy wherever I go..just by being happy myself…thank you for this insight into happiness, you have given me more to think about now.. I begin uni next month and I have enrolled into philosophy..mostly because of your emails and the fact it makes me happy 🙂
GREAT ARTICLE ON HAPPINESS!
Great article, thanks a lot. I’m greatly interested in the community idea, will be great. Thanks again.
Hi Henk ! Your frameworks for happiness have clarified my ideas, so much so, that I find myself in a much better position that I thought. This thing of being happy in the now, when you´re lacking many things, has been difficult for me, but through these teachings I have realized that working towards my higher purpose, which is crystal clear for me, is worth the hardships I’m enduring; I know I will succeed… immensely.
Thank you so much for your teachings, I always look forward finding a new one in my mail.
I totally enjoy everything that you share, and am grateful for your words of wisdom. Thank you! Margaret
I think Kaydon is right. By practicing gratitude you become aware of the things you have that already are making you happy in the NOW; thus, raising your vibration and being in position to attract more happiness.
I think it’s as simple as that.
Thank you so much for this message, I really enjoyed putting happiness into perspective.
Marion
Hi Henk
I also would join and contribute to a web community for people who read and practice your teachings
What about us, who does not have unique talent, what about us who can’t do any better then most of the others, what about us – mediocre people who doesnt ask or want too many but only to find humanity in others and always pursuit the same within. This is too complex to be answered as you’ve tried. But please, continue with this, something eventually will come out and we mediocre people will understaind how to cope with life in the more relaxed manor.
This is the Achilles heel of all self help. The run-of-the-mill is all about average and comfort zone. Until there is a shift in mindset. Mental effort is necessary as Earl Nightingale said to contemplate, or Maxwell Maltz to create the self image. Like begets like. The burning desire Napoleon Hill spoke about would not stay alight in the mind of a mediocre person.
The above article gives me a whole different perspective of being happy and what I thought happiness consist of. I enjoyed the article and yes the community website would be great. Thanks
-Happiness is the opposite of sorrow. One tries to reach happiness by running away from sorrow. Consequently, happiness is not an end but a means,
-Happiness is another name of self-satisfaction.
-In their quest for self-satisfaction, one is blind to the real location of self-satisfaction: The human heart.
-The substratum of self-satisfaction (happiness) is inner peace and self-love.
-Love is self-expansion.
-Man’s objective is self-realization.
-Self-realization is the act of freeing oneself from one’s thoughts thus discovering one’s true identity.
-Our true identity is the SELF, the higher Consciousness, the origin of all that is.
-The purpose of creation is for the Self to awaken… and to return to its SELF within the framework of timeless dream of physical existence.
Hi Henk , I enjoyed your article about happiness a lot. I can see some mistakes I’ve made in the past regarding the pursuit of happiness. I expect lots of people have pursued ephemeral pleasures as though they could make you permanently fulfilled. Putting these kinds of pleasures in their place, as you do in your article, is worth doing.
Having a vision is sustaining and for me links in with feelings of flow which in turn sustain your vision. If you can connect with other like-minded people through your vision then you have it all. I agree that a deep inquiry into the nature of long-term happiness is essential to personal fulfillment and a site of yours dedicated to these things would be well received by me.
I really like the idea of a “community website” for like-minded people